


Beloved

by SLq



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 02:10:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12717573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SLq/pseuds/SLq
Summary: Seishirou is dead. His eye burns in Subaru, a constant thrum of desire."Tighter."Subaru bites his lip. His fingers clench, hips lifting off the bed. There is no one there. No one but the shadows and Subaru.





	Beloved

It's the eye. Seishirou's eye, burnished gold to Subaru's own dull green. Subaru never forgets the eye is there. He can't.

It won't let him.

"Tighter."

Subaru bites his lip. His fingers clench, hips lifting off the bed. There is no one there. No one but the shadows and Subaru. His right eye hurts. Subaru covers it with the hand not moving over his cock and feels it burn. A shock of pleasure goes through him. Subaru keens and comes, both eyes open, cheeks wet. The shadows tremble. Subaru thinks they may be laughing. He lies still until morning chases them away.

It happens again in the shower. Braced against the tiles, head down, fingers in his own body, Subaru gasps and pleads with a dead man. The water is too hot. Its weight turns corporal for a brief moment, enveloping Subaru in a lover's arms. Subaru comes with a shout. The water hisses in the silence. It, too, is laughing.

Subaru pads across the small apartment, naked but for the towel over his shoulders. The drapes are open. Subaru can't care. His sense of decorum has dulled, along with all the rest. Seishirou's eye curves in a silent smile.

The answering machine blinks red. Subaru listens to the message while he dresses. The person on the phone isn't Sumeragi. Subaru checks his fax, as the man instructs. A single printed sheet waits for him there. A name. A picture. Subaru reads through the dossier. He picks up the phone.

"Sakurazuka residence."

"This is Sumeragi Subaru. If I may speak to Sakano-san."

"A moment, please, Sumeragi-sama."

Subaru lights a cigarette. The line buds back to life with relative swiftness. Subaru exhales a bloom of smoke over Sakano's words.

"Good morning, Sumeragi-sama. How may I be of assistance?"

"I received your message. The accompanying file is incomplete."

"Dossiers follow a standard format, Sumeragi-sama."

"Previous requests were substantiated with reasons. And clients' names."

"This case falls in a different class."

Subaru had suspected as much. The man he is to assassinate is a member of the Diet. His name had come to dominate the media after his scorching and very public denouncement of certain nationalistic factions within the government.

"I refuse the assignment."

Sakano is silent for some time. Subaru smokes. The sky is gray outside, the morning soft and sleepy.

"Sumeragi-sama, if I may. Refusal is not an option. The Sakurazuka family has formally accepted the request."

"I am not Sakurazuka."

"You are one of our own."

Seishirou's eye throbs. "No, Sakano-san," Subaru says, " _You_ are _mine_."

Sakano has nothing to say to that. Subaru stubs out his cigarette. "All future requests are to be submitted in their entirety, without omissions. The Sakurazuka do not speak for me."

"As you wish, Sumeragi-sama," Sakano responds. His voice is heavy with disdain.

"Thank you."

Subaru ends the call. He dials again. The voice that greets him this time is familiar.

"Sumeragi Akihito."

"Akihito-san, it's Subaru."

"What can I do for you, Subaru-san?"

"There will be an attempt on Takahashi Ichiro's life, as soon as today. Inform Takahashi-san's security team. Dispatch Yukie-san and at least one other active medium to offer support."

"Understood. Do you require immediate assistance, Subaru-san?"

"No."

"I'm going to put you on hold."

The line goes mute. Subaru waits. Outside, it begins to rain.

"Subaru-san?"

"Yes."

"Takahashi-san's security chief has been made aware of the situation. Yukie-san is on her way. Tomo-san will accompany her."

"Thank you. That will be all."

Subaru makes to end the call. "Subaru-san," Akihito calls, his voice thin and far away. Subaru lifts the receiver back to his ear.

"Yes?"

"I would like to send a team to secure your apartment," Akihito says.

"There is no need."

"Subaru-san, you are the Head of our clan. It is our duty to protect you."

"Akihito-san, you know very well why I cannot allow that."

The rain falls between them. Akihito is silent. Subaru watches the sky, eyes far away.

"I understand," Akihito says at last. "Please, take care, Subaru-san."

"You as well."

Subaru finishes dressing. The wards sing when he passes through them. They have grown in strength since Subaru had taken his new title. Their roots run deep now, fed by blood and old magic.

It is pouring outside. Subaru hails a taxi. He doesn't take public transportation anymore. Crowds nauseate him. The press of bodies, the whisper of voices, the push and pull of wants - it is too much to bear. Subaru prefers the empty quiet of his apartment. His life is his work and his bed and the phantom burn of Seishirou's eye in his skin. The rest is an illusion.

The taxi pulls up to the ruined gates of a temple. Subaru pauses in front of a pillar bearing the Monou family name. Its base is cracked, the characters distorted. Subaru bows his head. The wards surrounding the property open for him and close in his wake. They are Subaru's own, a network of protective spells and sealing ofuda. Like their master, they aren't decided of their purpose.

The temple is almost entirely gone. Subaru peers in through a broken wall, eyes passing over rotting tatami mats and overturned shrines. All is still and empty. Subaru is relieved. Fuuma likes to wander, and doesn't always remember to mind the weather.

Subaru makes his way to the small house that had once been the Monou residence. Its windows are dark. Subaru rings the doorbell, and settles to wait.

"Who is it?"

"Sumeragi Subaru," Subaru calls over the rattle of rain.

The door parts open. Fuuma blinks at him. "I am sorry, are you looking for my father? He is out at the moment, but we expect him back soon."

It is to be _that_ kind of visit. Subaru steels himself. "I understand."

"It's really coming down. Would you like to wait inside?"

"Thank you."

Fuuma takes Subaru's coat and umbrella. There are house slippers in the genkan. Four pairs, three beige and one pink. Fuuma sets out a beige pair for Subaru. Subaru slips them on with a measure of relief. On really bad days, Fuuma gives him the pink ones.

"Would you like something to drink?" Fuuma asks.

"I don't want to be any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all. Tea? Coffee?"

"Tea will be fine."

"This way, please. Kotori-chan," Fuuma calls out, "could you fill a kettle for our guest?"

Subaru follows Fuuma into the kitchen. He takes stock of the room while Fuuma talks at his dead sister. Everything is neat and in its place. Subaru turns his attention to Fuuma. The man has bags under his eyes. He is too thin and pale. Subaru's eyes catch on Fuuma's naked wrists, and narrow.

"Would you mind if I turn on the lights?"

Fuuma falters. "Oh, I hadn't realized... Of course. Kotori-chan, what are you doing, hiding out in the dark?" he laughs, soft and strained.

Subaru flicks the light on. Fuuma is watching him, expression blank. He makes to put his hands in his pockets. Subaru grabs Fuuma's right arm and pushes the sleeve up. 

"What is this?"

"I..." Fuuma stares at the angry red lines crossing over his wrist and up his forearm. He tries to pull away. "I - I don't-"

Subaru doesn't let go. "You are not to hurt him."

"Please, who-"

"KAMUI!" Subaru snaps, "You are _not_ to hurt him."

Fuuma stills. His shoulders shift back, body straightening to its full height. Gleaming eyes lift to Subaru's.

"Sumeragi-san. Have you come to play?"

Subaru lets the man go. KAMUI twists his arm and grabs Subaru's, reversing their position. Subaru doesn't try to break his hold. Experience has taught him to indulge KAMUI's pettier wants. He tips his head back and meets KAMUI's gaze. The height difference still rankles.

"We had an agreement."

"You care too much, Sumeragi-san. You always have."

KAMUI lifts Subaru's trapped hand. He presses his lips to Subaru's skin, where Seishirou's star had once been. Subaru wrenches his hand away. KAMUI laughs, and lets him.

"Your power is gone," Subaru reminds.

"Not entirely."

"Enough."

KAMUI leans closer. Subaru brings his hands together. His fingers twist, shaping an offensive Mudra.

"I am warning you-"

"Do you still see Sakurazuka, when you look at me?" KAMUI asks.

Subaru exhales sharply. KAMUI's face blurs, goes flat. Subaru realizes he can see only through one eye. He can't move.

"It's his, isn't it?" KAMUI murmurs. He traces Seishirou's eye with his thumb, nail digging into the socket. "You've got him _in_ you. _Naughty_."

Subaru opens his mouth to yell. KAMUI thrusts his tongue inside, fills him up and swallows his scream. The world is melting. Subaru's head throbs around Seishirou's eye, as if around a second heart.

KAMUI breaks away. Subaru pants. He can move now, so he backs away until he hits a wall. Ofuda slips between his fingers. It bleeds ink and turns black; a death spell. KAMUI lifts his hands in a placating gesture.

"It didn't work. This body's already too full."

"What?" Subaru snaps.

"I won't hurt him anymore," KAMUI says. "You gave me an idea. Thank you."

KAMUI leaves. Subaru doesn't move until he hears the stairs in the hallway creak. He passes his hand over his mouth, again and again. There is a bruise around the wrist KAMUI had held. Subaru seethes. The desire to find KAMUI and end him for good rises and ebbs.

Subaru looks through cupboards and various closets, making note of supplies that are running low. A grocery delivery is due in a few days. Subaru will have to add a first-aid kit to the order. All things considered, it's a wonder this hasn't been an issue until now. A visit to a doctor may soon become necessary.

There is a message waiting for Subaru when he gets home. Subaru is surprised to find it's from another Sakurazuka member. The woman introduces herself as Yukiko. She informs Subaru that Seishirou's forty-day rites will be held at the Sakurazuka family estate in Kyoto. Subaru is invited to preside over the ceremony, as the current Sakurazuka head. Subaru plays the message twice. He takes a shower, makes lunch, listens to Yukiko say Seishirou's name again. Then he goes to bed. It's four in the afternoon. Subaru pulls the covers over his head and closes his eyes.

 

"You won't go?"

Subaru starts. There are arms around him. They pull him to a broad chest. It's warm and dark under the blankets. Seishirou speaks against Subaru's ear, a quiet rumble.

"Tomorrow is my last day on earth. You should send me off properly."

"I sent you off just fine," Subaru tells him. His voice catches over the words.

Seishirou chuckles. His hands slide down Subaru's sides and grip his hips. Subaru is suddenly on his back. Seishirou braces above him, looking very pleased with himself. Subaru cups his face with trembling hands. Seishirou turns his head and kisses his palm.

"Your eyes."

"Hm?" Seishirou bows his head. Subaru licks over Seishirou's lips. Seishirou growls. He takes Subaru's mouth, forces Subaru's lips open wide. Subaru pulls him down. They press together more firmly now, skin to skin.

"Oh," Subaru gasps, "You - we are-" He had gone to bed in his clothes. Subaru's stomach drops. "This is a dream."

Seishirou kisses the hollow of Subaru's throat with a content hum. Subaru shivers.

"You aren't real," Subaru tries again.

Seishirou chuckles. He lifts his head from Subaru's chest, eyes bright with amusement. "Is that so?"

"Yes. You aren't - you aren't- " Subaru takes a breath. "You are the man he pretended to be, during t-that year. You aren't Seishirou-san."

Seishirou's smile grows fond. "Ah, but he was me, as well. We were always one. And we both loved-"

Subaru claps a hand over Seishirou's mouth. Seishirou smiles behind it. Subaru stares, cheeks red, eyes wide, heart beating double in his chest.

"Don't. It's too much. I will-" _wake up_. Subaru swallows the rest. He doesn't want to think about opening his eyes, ever again.

Seishirou pulls the hand Subaru has pressed over Seishirou's lips down his own throat, to his chest. Subaru's fingers shake. Beneath them, Seishiro's body is whole and still.

"I can't feel your heart," Subaru whispers.

Seishirou spreads his hand at the center of Subaru's chest. Subaru arches up. His heart beats against his ribs, as if trying to jump into Seishirou's palm through Subaru's skin.

"Can't you?"

Subaru makes a small, broken sound. Seishirou kisses it off his lips. They fall into each other, arms tight, bodies straining together, as if trying to melt into one. The pleasure of it transcends sex. Subaru doesn't know if he is hard, if Seishirou is, if they are fucking or simply grinding against each other. All he knows is that he needs more. He tells Seishirou so, in stuttered, flustered gasps. Seishirou gives him what he wants for once. Too late.

"Why," Subaru asks. His voice is rough with sex and pain. "Why now, when we can't - when you are-"

"I'm sorry."

Subaru bites Seishirou's shoulder. Seishirou pulls him closer, thrusts deeper. Subaru pants in his ear. He can't see. The room is blurring, drowning in his tears, and so is Seishirou. Half of the world disappears. Subaru blinks. His lashes catch on Seishirou's palm.

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Seishirou-san?"

Seishirou removes his hand. He kisses Subaru's cheek, his nose, his lips. "My body never mattered to me. I didn't think you would treasure a part of it this much." Seishirou lifts his head. His lips pull in a thin smile. "You feel too deeply, Subaru-kun."

Subaru turns his face away. Seishirou lays his head next to Subaru's on the pillow. Subaru can't hold the man's eyes. His whole face feels flushed, his chest full to bursting. He has never had this before. The intimacy of lying next to someone like this, naked in every sense, is more than Subaru had thought he could want. Seishirou moves closer. He bumps their noses together, then their lips.

"I won't come to you again," Seishirou says against Subaru's mouth. "Not until it's time for you to come home."

"Kiss me," Subaru begs.

Seishirou does. Subaru wraps his arms around Seishirou's broad shoulders and holds tight.

 _Tap_ , something goes _._

"Don't let it in, Subaru-kun," Seishirou says.

_Tap. Tap-tap._

"What?"

"Don't let it in."

_Tap-tap-ta-tap. Tap-tap-ta-tap. Tap-_

 

Subaru's eyes snap open.

The room is cold and dark. Subaru sits up slowly. He holds his head in his hands and breathes through his mouth. The exhales come out wet. There is no one to hear. Subaru is alone in his bed. He is hard. He can't bring himself to do anything about it.

Raindrops tap against the roof. The drapes are open. Beyond the glass, Seishirou lifts a hand in greeting.

Subaru's heart seizes. He stands too fast, almost loses his footing. Seishirou is gone. Subaru exhales slowly. He hadn't been there to begin with.

The doorbell rings. Subaru throws a glance at the rain-smudged glass, then turns away.

"Yes?"

"It's Akihito."

Subaru unlocks the door. Akihito bows, expression drawn. "I am sorry to bother you so late, Sumeragi-san."

"That is alright. Please, come in."

"Thank you."

Subaru takes Akihito's coat. The man is soaked through. He lingers in the hallway, reluctant to drag water into the apartment. Subaru crosses his arms.

"If you remain here, so will I."

Akihito thinks over this. He follows Subaru into the kitchen when bid to do so. The tips of his ears are red. Subaru sets a kettle on the stove and tries not to smile.

"Has something happened?"

"Monou-san is gone."

Subaru stills. "The wards are untouched."

"The seals didn't activate."

"Are you certain he has left the compound?"

"Yes. He - he called me. From a payphone." Akihito looks as bemused as Subaru feels. "I don't know how he got my number."

Subaru does. They had never found Satsuki Yaoji. "Did he say anything else?"

"He said that you need me."

 _Tap-tap-tap_.

Subaru's neck prickles. "When was that?"

"A - an hour ago."

 _Tap-tap-tap_.

The kettle whistles. Subaru turns off the stove. He doesn't reach for the kettle or the cups. The world is flat again. Akihito watches him quietly. From behind the window, so does Seishirou.

"You need to leave," Subaru says.

Akihito stands. The man is larger than Subaru. Older. When he presses Subaru against the wall, he covers his body entirely.

"Akihito-san," Subaru snaps, urgent. He can't move. The world is losing depth and gaining color. Seishirou's eye is wide open. It reflects like a burning flame in both of Akihito's, until Akihito's eyes seem to be Seishirou's own.

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou's voice taps against the glass. "Let me in."

Subaru shakes his head. Akihito's face is empty. Its features distort the longer Subaru looks at him, grow more and more familiar.

"You are not him," Subaru whispers.

"I could be," Akihito mouths, lips moving, voice gone.

Glass rattles. Subaru wills his hands to rise, his fingers to bend. His body won't obey. Akihito kisses him with Seishirou's mouth.

"Let me in," Seishirou says.

Subaru gasps. Akihito is warm. As warm as Seishirou had been in Subaru's dream.

"Akihito-san, your hand..."

"Let me in," Seishirou says.

"Touch me, Akihito-san. My face. There, yes."

Akihito cups Subaru's cheek and holds him still for more kisses. Subaru speaks between them, voice rough.

"Curl your fingers." Akihito does. "Press down."

Akihito falters.

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou calls. The window creaks, bowing inward. " _Subaru-kun-_ "

"Akihito, _press down_!"

 _"-lett meee innnnnnnnnn_ "

Akihito digs his fingers into Subaru's right eye. The orb bursts under the pressure, spilling out in a mess of blood and flesh and magic.

The demon at Subaru's window screeches. Its shape is ghastly - a blind, sharp-toothed creature with a gaping mouth where its heart should be. Subaru banishes it with a whisper.

Akihito sways. His eyes focus slowly. Horror paints his face white.

"Subaru-san!"

"I am alright," Subaru says. He covers his ruined eye with a hand. Blood slicks his cheek and neck.

"What did I -" Akihito takes a step back. Subaru grabs his arm.

"Please, I need your help. There is gauze in the bathroom, but I don't think I can..."

Akihito straightens. "Yes. Right away." His voice is steady. His hand shakes in Subaru's grip.

Subaru digs out the eye while Akihito is gone. He wraps the remains in a towel. After a moment of consideration, he tosses the bundle in the trash. Akihito finds him with his face pressed to his knees.

"Subaru-san, if I may call our doctor."

Subaru nods. He listens to Akihito make the call. When the man asks to dress Subaru's face, Subaru lets him.

"It was the eye," Subaru says. "It belonged to someone else. My attachment to it created an onryou." A spirit born from powerful feelings. Seishirou had come to warn him.

Subaru thumps his head back against the wall. The pain feels good. So he does it again, and again.

"Subaru-san, please, don't."

Akihito pulls him up. Subaru allows himself to be led to the bed and pressed down. Akihito hovers over him. The man's face is pale, his eyes pained and uncertain. Not Seishirou's. Subaru catches Akihito's sleeve before the man can withdraw.

"I will be going to Kyoto tomorrow. Let the Clan know."

Akihito doesn't ask Subaru if he is sure, doesn't tell him he ought to rest. "Yes," he says.

Subaru turns so his back is to Akihito and the room. The blankets are warm. The pillow smells like Seishirou.

"You may come with me, if you wish."

"Yes," Akihito says again.

The phone rings. Akihito puts the call through on speaker.

"Feeling better, Sumeragi- _san_?"

Akihito stiffens. Subaru sighs, unsurprised and too tired to be angry.

"Where are you?"

"On our way back," KAMUI says. He sounds strange. Different. "It didn't take as long as I thought it would. A bit of a letdown." Younger.

Subaru tries to think through the pain in his head. "What did you do."

"I got myself a gift. It's a good fit. How'd yours do for size?"

Subaru lies still. Akihito curses.

"You let him go? Hmmm. That's uncharacteristically healthy of you, Sumeragi-san."

"KAMUI," Subaru begins.

"Kamui-kun, there wasn't any cherry left, so I got vanilla."

"That's fine," KAMUI tells Fuuma. There's two of them. Subaru's heart is in his throat. KAMUI has stolen a body, or made one, and he sounds -

He sounds so much like-

"Talk to you later, Sumeragi-san. I'll drink a cup of sake for Sakurazuka tomorrow."

The call ends. Akihito lifts and lowers the receiver, cutting off the static sound of an empty line. He walks to stand by the bed. Subaru watches the ceiling. The bandages stick to his face with blood and tears.

Subaru's vision dims. He gasps, grips Akihito's wrist. Akihito keeps his palm over Subaru's eye.

"Sleep, Subaru-san. I will wake you when the doctor arrives."

Subaru swallows a sob. His fingers curl around Akihito, then let go. He can hear Akihito breathing. The dark isn't as lonely, shared.

"Sleep, Subaru-san."

Subaru sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> A spirit is thought to walk the earth for forty days after its death.  
> Onryo are vengeful spirits created by powerful emotions. They can take the shape of people.


End file.
